Saugus Strong: How to help your family after a tragedy

11/16/2019

The past couple of days have been devastating for the Santa Clarita Valley. We are all heartbroken by the recent shooting at Saugus High School. It is hard not to feel helpless and not know how to comfort your child or yourself as you attempt to process this tragedy. Here are few things you can do to cope and encourage healing.

Listen and comfort your child. Allow you child to speak freely about what they are experiencing. Ask if they have any questions and ask them questions to foster communication. Questions will allow you to address any of their needs. If your child does not want to speak about it, do not force them to talk. Accept their request and let them know you are always there for them when they are ready to talk. More often than not, when they are ready they will come to you. The most important takeaway is to acknowledge what has happened and hug your children.
Reassurance of safety. Many children may feel scared to go back to school because of fears that it may happen again. This is a normal belief and that it is ok. Validate how they are feeling and reassure them they are safe. You can reduce anxiety by helping them understand the shooter is no longer a threat and create a safety plan.
Maintain routine. Routines create an overall sense of security for all age groups. Children are raised on structure and it creates security & normalcy. While the event temporarily disrupts your lives for hours and days, routines help children have order which fosters a sense of safety. Going back to routine does not mean you trying to avoid the tragedy. It is part of reassurance and coping to the traumatic event.
Limit media exposure. Media (television & social media) is not helpful for children and teens. The news and social media tend to constantly report on negative events and this may be re-triggering and increase anxiety & fear, especially with younger children. If you must watch the news, watch it away from your children and turn the news off when they are around. Teens may want to continue to use social media with friends and this is ok. I always suggest parents to monitor their feeds regardless of traumatic events. It allows you to monitor their behavior and interactions in the digital world.
Model healthy coping skills. As parents you set the tone in the home and your children will follow your lead. It is important to label your emotions and use healthy copings. A great coping skill to use is paced breathing. I’m particularly fond of Sitting Still Like a Frog book and they have short videos online to use as well. Encourage your child to use other healthy outlets to express their emotions such as journaling, drawing, exercise, and watching enjoyable shows.
When to seek help. Monitor your child’s mood and behavior. Younger children tend to regress in behaviors (e.g. increased tantrums, anger, & whining) whereas teens present with more depressive or anxious symptoms (e.g. isolation, self-harming behaviors, eating more/less, etc.). It is normal for anxiety and sadness to be present for a couple of weeks. You want to be more aware of the symptoms that persist over time and it is impacting their daily life.